


T.A.H.I.N.I  (LIVING IN A SANDWICH PARADISE)

by nathyfaith



Series: The Sandwich Incident [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Crack Fic, Gen, being a sandwich is not as easy as it seems, sandwich heaven, sandwiches have souls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2014-09-13
Packaged: 2018-02-17 05:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2297627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nathyfaith/pseuds/nathyfaith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>But what about the pesto aioli?</i><br/>How do you think that poor sandwich felt when he was so cruelly thrown aside?<br/>He had dreams too you know?!</p><p>A crack-fic obviously set on the episode 1x07 - The Hub.</p>
            </blockquote>





	T.A.H.I.N.I  (LIVING IN A SANDWICH PARADISE)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [serenitysea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenitysea/gifts), [Ldjkitten74](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ldjkitten74/gifts), [CaptainSummerDay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainSummerDay/gifts), [Anuna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anuna/gifts).



> I sure hope you enjoy the non-sense, this happens when its too damn late and I'm on chat with my favorite girls!

Before I was a sandwich, I was simply a mix of things. Then I became a whole. See Dr. Simmons firstly took the bread, and then cut it open very slowly, she inserted some prosciutto, buffalo mozzarella and a "hint" of pesto aioli, all for the happiness of her best friend and male companion Dr. Fitz.

I was so pleased to have been made. I could hardly wait to be eaten. I was a perfect prosciutto, buffallo mozzarella and pesto aioli sandwich all packed up for a travel.

I had to admit it was a very long and shaky journey. Dr. Fitz was worried and resourceful, if not for him I bet Mr. Robot, who by the way knows nothing about making wonderful sandwiches - just a tiny bit of mayo my cheese - would have been dead by now.

When I finally thought that my momentum had come and I was gonna be deliciously devoured - I was literally taken. No, no, taken was the wrong word. I was robbed from the delicate hands of Dr. Fitz by that bulky monkey and propelled into the thin air.

_Excuse me, but did you ever hear about a flying sandwich?_

Yeah, I hadn't either. But as I traveled in the air feeling the cold wind blowing through my floury body all I could think about was Dr.Simmons, and how her pretty face would be devastated if the idea of me never have been eaten at all ever surpasses her mind. All that hard work, precision and love she poured into making me a delicious flavored sandwich had gone literally down in the mud.

_Sweet darling Dr. Simmons, I hoped Dr. Fitz lies to her when the time comes._

So, now as I walked through the valley of the shadow of death – which was actually sand and rocks underneath my already disposed body - I looked at my life and I imagined, _“Did bulky monkey never receive such a delicious sandwich before?”_

_Did he not have someone as nice as Dr.Simmons or Miss Alien Princess to make him a yummy sandwich such as me before in his life?_

That was why he threw me away. However, now that I could hear dogs walking around, I wondered if maybe my delectable smell hadn’t been the problem. Poor darling Dr. Fitz was so surprise that he asked frantic, _'What the hell?_ ' and honestly I wish I wasn't flying three feet in the air just so ‘Mr. No Feelings For a Yummy Sandwich’ could explain it to him.

I had no doubt that I was gonna perish here, in the mud, with snakes crawling over me but never - never eating me and appreciating my taste. Not like Dr. Fitz would and he was even willing to share a piece of me, his precious sandwich with that - that Gorilla.

And now, now what was gonna be of me? Perhaps a hungry dog would appreciate me even if I was a bit dirty, a bit unwrapped too.

But I knew, I knew I would always cherish the time we spent together.

Me inside his perfect and protected pack-bag, wrapped up as a Christmas present, travelling the world fighting the big monsters, him only using his small hands and his curly silly hair in the battlefield.

I sighed. Dr. Fitz would have made me very happy. He would have probably spoken fondly about me to Skye, Mr. Coulson and even the Mulan warrior. About my softness, crispness, flavour and how beautiful and tasty I was.

Now all those possibilities were taken from me.

Now I was an orphan sandwich without a belly to be.

It was all the bulky monkey’s fault really. Just because he was heartless it didn't mean that the poor little Scottish man had to be hungry. Le sigh. Well life wasn't fa--

_I was eaten!_

_I'm in the sandwiches heaven now!_

Well, the ride to get here was not as pleasant as I had imagined but now I could finally follow my dreams and become a sandwich singer. Come closer and listen to my jam:

_We've been spending most our lives living in a freezer paradise_

_We've been spending most our lives living in a backpack paradise_

_we've been getting squashed to life living in a backpack paradise_

_We keep spending most our lives living in a ziplock paradise_

_Tell me why are we so blind to see_

_That the ones we hurt are carnivores and gluten free_

_And the ones we hurt are you and me_

_We've been spending most our lives living in a sandwich paradise_

  
  



End file.
